TV and Movie Quotes: Just for Laughs!

Feel free to add your own!

“Don't listen to him!!! He's drunk on cheese!!!” J.D., Scrubs

“I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“Oh, my God. I love this moment so much I would cheat on that other moment, marry it, and have a family of little moments,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“If this continues, you will be dead. And I'm not talking about the 'Oh, my God, if I don't get invited to the prom, I'm going to die' type of dead, I'm talking about 'dead', dead. Is that clear enough for you? Because if it's not, I could, of course, text you on my Blackberry or my Blueberry or my Chuck Berry...although technically Chuck Berry is a black Berry....the point is, you gotta stop wasting everyone's time and grow up. Is that clear to you, sweetheart?” Dr. Cox, Scrubs (to a teen who stopped taking her epilepsy meds)

“I swear, that young man has killed so many people, I'm starting to think he just might be a government agent,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs (about Doug)

“Oh my god; I cared so little, I almost passed out,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“Now, if you have any questions, well I could give a crap. I'm going home. You all get paid way too much for doing nothing anyway,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“I want you to spread the word, missy. I've. Had. Enough. The next whiny intern that comes in here looking to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aisha, I'm going to hurt them. And you, you neurotic, one-woman freak-show, take your 'Blah blah' to the blah-blah-ologist. Because if you are so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you've just got to go ahead and replace the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. But I don't find them half as annoying as I do naive bubbleheaded optimists who walk around vomitting sunshine,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“They hate you, Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“You see, for me, sex is a sport...Like raquetball. You play hard for half an hour, work up a sweat, and hope you don't get hit in the eye,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“You, my friend, look so damn leathery, I'm honestly tempted to wrap you around a baseball, cinch you up with a belt and stick you under my mattress so that you're good and broken in for the big game on Sunday. But, since I'm here to heal, not to judge, I'm gonna go ahead and write you a couple of perscriptions. You'll find that this first one is for an extra large mallet to help you pound some sense into yourself. This second one is for a big floppy hat that you're now to wear every single time you leave the house. Have a great day, you look like a purse,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“Listen up Molly Menopause, I need you to quiet the hell down, you're scaring everyone in the hospital. I mean, my god, they're delivering a baby upstairs and the poor kid is using the umbilical cord to crawl the hell back in,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“Duct tape, two hours in the morgue drawer, don't piss off the janitor. End of story,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“It looks like tiny hampsters died all over your face,” J.D. to Janitor, Scrubs

“If this hospital were a human body, you'd be the appendix because at one time you served some function, but it was so long ago, nobody's quite sure what that was anymore,” Dr. Cox to Dr. Kelso, Scrubs

“Look at Jordan and me, we hate people. And that goes double for kids. They're loud, you don't understand them. Just like tiny cab drivers,” Dr. Cox, Scrubs

“Doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream,” Brenda, Juno

“Uh, you really shouldn't mumble, I can't hear a word you're saying,” Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

“No time for the old in-out love. I've just come to read the meter,” Alex, A Clockwork Orange

“Just another freak, in the freak kingdom,” Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

“Get your patchouli stink outta my store!” Rob, High Fidelity

“People don't want a hero, they want to eat cheeseburgers, play the lotto, and watch television,” William Somerset, Se7en

“He looks like a weirdy,” Gus, Night at the Museum

“Tastes like a rainbow,” Pete, Knocked Up

“Steely Dan can gargle my balls,” Ben Stone, Knocked Up

“I'm going to punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm going to do. A straightshot. Right to the babymaker,” Ron Burgandy, Anchorman

“Where'd you get your clothes? From the....toilet store?” Brick Tamland, Anchorman

“The arsonist has oddly shaped feet,” Ron Burgandy, Achorman